please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
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