I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
