ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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