When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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