Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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