This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
