i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
