I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
