u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
