You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
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