There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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