just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize