Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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