Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
