Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
