Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I wish my penis had an off switch
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
high people should be assigned attendants
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
