If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
