Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
