So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
