are you so shy because you have an std?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Someone signed my nipple.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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