You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
