My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
