Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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