She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
