it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
