she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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