Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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