alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
She needs sedatives and a leash
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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