just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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