if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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