he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
