Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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