Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
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