mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
