Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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