Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
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