the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Can I color on your dick again?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
