She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
