The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize