dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
