you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
