My nipple is on Facebook.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
