I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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