Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
