Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
