what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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