the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
being pregnant is like rehab
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
