i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
