Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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