everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
