we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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