he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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