My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Please don't give away my fajitas
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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