Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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