If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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