You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
