You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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