You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
