I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
