i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I am never drinking with the goths again.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
