I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
