I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize