what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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