Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
