I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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