so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
