I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
