please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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