Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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