I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
