I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Welp...herpes.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
