I skipped work to stalk him.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
