Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
