Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
